If Dee's walls could talk, I would move out immediately, but you'd want to move in! I have an opinion, and I'm not afraid to use it! Be sure to view older posts if you haven't stopped by in a while!
Order is my main chick. I need her. I can’t function without her. I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. I can be spontaneous. This is not in question, but I will always be most comfortable when there is order.
This probably explains why I spent a couple hours reorganizing my closet. The purses are on pretty hooks by color and style. Summer clothes are mostly put away. The outcome is a thing of beauty. Be jealous, very jealous! While I was getting my Martha Stewart on, I found my journal, from 2008. That’s actually the last year that I maintained a journal.
You won’t recognize the importance of that year. It’s the year that I found out that my mother, who seemed to be my worst enemy at the time, was living in a Tennessee shelter. It would come to be the hardest season of my life, but God gave me so many tools to prepare me that year. Here’s what I wrote in May of 2008, it was a Sunday:
“The walls of Jericho fell today. Not today, but today is the day that I read about it. In church. The only place where I can cry openly and people will cry with me. Today’s message is symbolic of what’s going on in my life right now. A month ago, I think I fell in love. One good month later my house has become an old folk’s home. I think I’m in hell, but he reminds me that there is a God. He helps me. Just because. I love his Chocolate ass. Yup. Feels like God gave me a gift that I can’t accept. My mom looks like a meth head, and I want to scream. Rod isn’t helping me, nor does it even seem to affect him. Fucker. I feel like the walls have tumbled down around me. Who is supposed to build this thing back up? Guess they’re going to have to stay down cause I just don’t know what to do. I feel trapped by my family. I pray for them daily, but I feel like God keeps sending them back to me to help them. How rude. What about me? I think that I am a good person, and I do the right things, but this doesn’t seem to pay off. God keeps making my walls fall down. But why???”
Man, how disrespectful was I?! Thinking I always know what’s best. Cause a few college diplomas are sure to get me victoriously through life! I’m smart. Witty. Semi-attractive. Helpful. Nurturing. Morally intact. Da heck else do you need?
God’s plans don’t always make sense to us. The Great I am has a plan for me and you, and we’re supposed to always be His servants. Guess I need to stop trying to get God to go along with my plans.
With my bossy self!