If Dee's walls could talk, I would move out immediately, but you'd want to move in! I have an opinion, and I'm not afraid to use it! Be sure to view older posts if you haven't stopped by in a while!
Falling in love is beautiful. It’s fun. It’s eventful. It’s freaking amazing. It is also the easy part.
Staying in love takes work. It takes submission. It takes leading and following. It takes understanding.
Lately, I’ve been reading Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. The book points out that people love others in the way that they want to be loved. This is only beneficial if you and your partner speak the same love language, which is rare. In my own life, I am a giver and encourager. I am constantly let down, because I do not always feel my efforts reciprocated in the same way that I project love. Hmmm. It made me wonder if I constantly give love to others the way they need it, or the way I would want it given to me. Eeek.
The Five Love Languages, like any language, has varying dialects. While you may speak one language primarily, you will also speak parts of each of the remaining love languages.
Here’s a summary of the 5 Love Languages taken from Eleanor, an Amazon reviewer:
– Words of Affirmation:
If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.
Basically, they find ways to remind you that their world is a better place because you are in it.
– Acts of Service:
If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going, then this is your love language.
This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your love language.
– Quality Time:
This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.
Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.
This is a more cynical vision of the love languages, but you get the gist of it. It doesn’t mean that you spend your entire relationship using words, gifts, quality time…but more so that you know what it means when your mate does it, and what it would mean to them if you do it. Just my opinion of the book so far. My primary love language is words of affirmation.
Words of Affirmation –
Words of Affirmation are verbal support cues used to communicate love, as well as using words to show appreciation and support. Most of my favorite relationship memories involve something said that I didn’t expect. I love when people say “thank-you”, or “I appreciate you”. Who doesn’t, right?
This is not to say that I want to be pacified. Say it like you mean it. Use humble words. Many people in relationships cannot humble themselves through their words or actions. Obviously, this type of mate would not appeal to me or have lasting power.
Words can also have a negative side. We know how to push our loved ones buttons. Being patronizing or demeaning with words will have an equally damaging impact on me as an immoral act. I once had a guy tell me that he didn’t compliment me as much as he did most women because I was already too confident. Ha. Needless to say, he was immediately eliminated.
I hope that you buy the book, or at least read up on it via google. It is an interesting read, and it gives you insight to looking at your relationship from an “us” frame of mind.